Video: Juhwen Hous & Translation: Adrien Moity
Special thanks to Juhwen with his amazing film- and editing skills, Dorian Fehèr for the introduction and Adrien Moity for the French translation of the video subtitles and entire website in French.
Crowdfunding for corrective
skin surgeries and to support fellow companions
Lilian Carré, age 31
In June 2017 I had a gastric bypass and I slimmed down 63 kilos within a year. Now I have excess skin, for which I started this crowdfunding, for corrective operations. I feel happy and proud of the path that I have chosen. After 11 years of being overweight and countless diet attempts, without lasting results, I chose to let go of the guilt that I had to do the weight loss battle without help. I achieved this in three steps.
More info below.
“It cannot be changed without
changing our thinking”
- Albert Einstein -
192
DAYS TO GOAL
249
DONATIONS
55%
GOAL ACHIEVED
100%
Tummy tuck €5.500
73%
Current goal: Arm lift €3.500
0%
Thigh lift €5.500
€2.561,-
Donated:
Total Donated
€8.061,-
Goal March 11th 2025 €14.500,-
Click here
TUMMY TUCK OPERATION GOAL ACHIEVED!!!!!
2 more operations to go :D
I am very grateful for all the beautiful conversations and donations ♡
Would you like to support me in my skin surgeries for my thigh lift and arms? I highly appreciate it! You can donate here via the payment buttons. I'd like to thank you if you could send me a message via one of the contact options.
“Merde, what do you mean you shortened the website?
You must be kidding, people don't read that much!
A website should be short.”
- My dad -
Reading time > 4 minutes
Step 1
Research
In my preparation phase of 9 months I did research into the causes of my weight problem. This process gave me many insights that still help me keep the weight off. I'm sharing these insights in the hope that people will be less judgemental on themselves and continue thinking in solutions.
Dieting is harmful
Over the past five years I have spoken to loads of people and most are concerned with their weight. They are very strict with themselves, because there is no knowledge of the underlying causes of weight problems. The misconception is that you must be "dumb" or "lazy" to gain weight. A weight problem goes beyond society's accusation that people eat themselves into weight problems. It has been scientifically proven that dieting leads to permanent physical damage due to the yo-yo effect and leads to even more obesity.
Society does not help by putting addictive foods on the market and the majority of people have been raised as an emotional eater. In addition to eating when you feel bad, this includes eating at fun occasions. For example a dinner party to celebrate a new job. At the swimming pool people often eat snacks and in the cinema there is popcorn and other goodies. There is a social pressure to participate, like at birthdays. Since my gastric bypass, I can say 'no' without others putting pressure on me by saying I'm unsociable. Life revolves around food and drinks.
Personal development
What helped me was the Outfit training in 2015. This training originated from Humanication (Essence Trainings Amsterdam), where I have learned a lot since 2014 in letting go of the past, mindfulness, and personal development. Essence has supported me to improve my life in all areas. Thanks to the Outfit training, I lost 13 kilos in 12 weeks by consciously enjoying food and exercise without a diet. However, I tore my ankle ligaments. Because I couldn't exercise, the 13 kilos returned within a few weeks. I had lost confidence in my body, after yet another setback. I decided to seek medical help and opted for a gastric bypass, which took place in June 2017. I still use the tools from Outfit on a daily basis and highly recommend it if you want to learn conscious eating without a diet.
Choosing a gastric bypass
It was not an easy choice, because I was worried about other people's opinions. I felt like I failed in all those years of weight loss attempts without a lasting effect. Yet this felt like my way. After my decision I was often given unsolicited advice. "Just exercise more and eat less," they would say. "Losing weight is better on your own strength, a surgery is a weak choice."
No one knew that I regularly starved myself and exercised intensively, with an even lower self-esteem as the only lasting result. My parents thought surgery was a scary idea and found it difficult to support me in this, understandably. During hospital appointments and surgeries I could count on my life coach Madelon from ABC-Coaching. She helped me gain a lot of knowledge in this process.
The three main causes of weight problems are stress, sleep deprivation and depression
I was slim until I was 14 and was treated differently when I was fat. A huge contrast since I'm thin again. After the weight-loss, I got nasty comments about anorexia. I learned from my trauma therapist to respond with: "How unkind." and nothing else. My coach Madelon taught me to ask open questions so that people become aware of their own negative judgment.
Eating disorder due to trauma
The body holds trauma in the cellular memory. Due to trauma the body will process food differently, my psychiatrist Dr. Meilink told me. His explanation: After a traumatic event, which is not processed, your body continues to react as if it's in danger. The body stores food as reserves for bad times instead of processing it normally. With underweight it works the other way around: The body works harder to process food, so that you cannot gain weight.
Hunger strikes cause weight gain
In my case, that explained why I had become fat, even though I exercised a lot and ate normal portions. I regularly went on hunger strikes. This meant that I ate nothing all day, except dinner, in an effort to lose weight. I learned from the hospital that it actually makes you gain weight. People often cannot maintain the same weight for the long term. In Step 3 I'll further explain the possible causes and solutions for weight problems.
“Pain is a part of life, but suffering is a choice.”
- Madelon Boersma, Lifecoach -
Reading time > 5 minutes
Step 2
Gastric Bypass
After a difficult six-month process with rigid dieticians and psychologists in the ETZ Waalwijk, I chose the Sint Franciscus Gasthuis hospital (SFG) in Rotterdam. A drastic difference! They are trained on a positive treatment without judgement and are specialised in bariatric procedures. They see obesity as a physical condition rather than just a mental or nutritional problem. Below is a link to the information video which explains, among other things, why crash diets have no lasting results. More information can be found on the SFG website in the section 'Obesity'.
Information video obestity (NL) - SFG
On paper I was perfectly healthy, even though my BMI was 45.5 at my heaviest. My blood levels were excellent before surgery. Since my surgery people ask me for advice. When I shared my solution, I got an "I will not cut into a healthy body!"-reaction. Obesity is in fact not healthy. My surgeon Dr. Biter explains with statistics and medical facts in the informational video that the aim is not to make people 'thinner or prettier', but to prevent diseases that are guaranteed to arise from obesity. Being overweight is mistakenly seen by society as just a mental problem. However, mental and physical always go hand in hand. If you do not investigate the underlying causes, there's a good chance that you will gain weight again after a gastric bypass surgery.
Mental and physical always go hand in hand
Losing weight went very successfully but it was a tough process. In addition to an intensive diet of a month, I had to inject thrombosis prevention in my leg for two weeks. After 4 months I had hair loss due to vitamin deficiency and had excess skin. In the first seven months after the GBP (Gastric Bypass) I hardly ate, was regularly sick and was confronted with eating disorder-like thoughts such as: 'If I can apparently do well without food, then I don't have to eat.' Sometimes I ate only half a paprika a day. The stigma 'only thin people have anorexia' is completely wrong. When I did feel the urge to eat, I was afraid of gaining weight. That stress was triggered by trauma.
Complications
I've since had 11 surgeries with complications, including emergency surgery in 2018 to remove the gallbladder. Problems with the intestines and contraception surfaced. I had an infection in my blood and my liver values were extremely high. Three benign tumors have developed, cause unknown. Two hemangiomas on the liver and a bone tumor (osteoma) on my skull. I had bad luck with my immune system. This is not common and will certainly not happen to everyone who makes this choice.
Hair loss due to vitamin deficiencies
I've donated my hair in 2018 and again in 2020, because I wanted to make something positive out of the bad situations. The Hairwish Foundation is committed to making free wigs for sick children. Keune's hair products have helped me enormously so that my hair did not fall out further and after a year I had a full head of hair again.
Lyme disease and tumors
Dr. Alex Leupen of the Homeopathic Center Utrecht specializes in autoimmune diseases. He diagnosed chronic Lyme (neuroborreliosis), after an untreated tick bite when I was 12. The tumors could, in addition to Lyme and weakened immune system, also be caused by my innate liver disease Cytochrome P450 (CYP450). My liver values have recovered thanks to homeopathy, orthomolecular supplements and the Healy. This is a medically certified frequency device, designed by scientists in Germany, where there is more knowledge about Lyme than in regular Dutch hospitals. Healy works so well that within two weeks - after 15 years of use - I was able to stop all sleep and ADHD medication! :)
The small liver hemangioma has completely disappeared and the large tumor has shrunk considerably in size. The bone tumor on the skull was successfully removed in 2020 at Erasmus MC by neurosurgeon Dr. Volovici. However, since then 6 new tumors started growing on my skull. After research by the clinical geneticist of the cancer institute in Erasmus, the cause is unknown. The symptoms are not consistent with benign osteomas. If we don't know the cause, we can't stop the growth. Surgery or PRF pain relief is the only temporary solution. The neurosurgeon thinks the tumors will keep growing back after surgery.
Choosing happiness
A diagnosis doesn't have to be a verdict. I decided to look at illness and tumors differently: Everyone is terminal and no one has tomorrow guaranteed. I choose happiness and no tumor can change that. I choose quality by focusing on the finer things in life. Fortunately, I have a lot of support from my friends, family and my healthcare providers with supplements and frequency therapy, which relieves the pain. Meditation can also help immensely: The Gate Technique - Dr Frank Kinslow
Excess skin
Not everyone gets this problem. That differs per skin type and doesn't depend on age or how active you are. I always exercised a lot but now I'm even more active because moving is easier. It's a misconception that exercising can tighten the skin. The muscles under the skin tighten, but the skin remains flabby.
Deep tissue massages
During my weight loss period I started with deep tissue massages with an expert in skin, stretch marks and scar tissue. With my dear friend Magda Agnieszka from Fit-therapy in Almere I have already had 38 massages on legs, arms, abdomen and back. She advises that the best results are achieved during weight loss. It's an intensive treatment with the aim of improving the skin condition. Blood flow is stimulated, which encourages the skin to strengthen and creates cell renewal. This resulted in bruises for weeks at a time. With each treatment, the tissue becomes more flexible and less painful. My skin would be much worse without massages, but unfortunately it is not getting better. Operations are the only solution.
Umbilical hernia
At the end of 2020 I went to a plastic surgeon because of an umbilical hernia. The abdominal wall and navel are stretched due to being overweight. It's very painful and can only be repaired during surgery. To not strain the liver too much, the surgeon can restore the navel during the tummy tuck and thigh lift combination surgery. She says it's not going to get better without operating. My skin looks 10 years older in those areas. I would like to solve this because it prevents me from dating and hinders my positive self-image.
Insurance reimburses nothing
There are rules to qualify for skin surgeries. You must have been stable in weight for at least a year after the one-year weight loss period. The severity of your excess skin is measured in 4 classes. Only in class 4 are operations reimbursed (when your belly is hanging onto your ankles) and even then many are rejected by insurance. I'm in class 2. I made this website in 2020, but didn't share it before because I found it difficult to ask for financial help. I did everything I could to avoid corrective skin surgeries.
“Depression is not a disorder, but a natural response to fear.”
- Dr. A. Meilink, Psychiatrist -
Reading time > 3 minutes
Step 3
Therapy
Stress and insomnia
My sleep deprivation got worse at age 12. The switch from primary to secondary school was a big one. I experienced lots of stress due to homework and I was bullied. As a result, I spent weeks at home with severe depression. My parents got me help from child psychiatrist Dr. Meilink. He diagnosed me with ADHD/ADD and PTSD, for which I was given medication. Since childhood I couldn't sleep more than +/- 4 hours a night, for which I later used sleeping pills. Medication has also played a part in my weight gain.
Abnormal metabolism
After the GBP I had developed a cortistol and insulin resistance, which makes it difficult to initiate the stress response. My nervous system is confused as a result. It's possible that the tumors were caused by this. I have spoken to many people and weight problems do not only arise from severe trauma. As my friend said: "If I eat a lot while I'm feeling good, I won't gain an ounce. But as soon as I experience stress, I can gain weight despite eating healthy." I think this is very recognisable for many people. The mood is affected due to abnormal substances in the body or a problem with neurotransmitters such as serotonin and noradrenaline. Depression doesn't just happen.
Depression
Dr. Meilink has a theory about depression that I'd like to share. Depression is not a mood disorder or illness, but the natural result of fear. There are 2 known reactions to fear: fight or flight. According to Meilink, there is another one that equates to depression: freeze. For example, when a rabbit hides from danger and dives into the grass. You have no energy in hide mode, you want to retreat yourself. Your conscience tells you that you have to do everything. (You have to go to work, socialize, study, do the housework, etc). This makes your depression worse. The two cannot work together and reinforce each other. His advice is to only do what you want to do on a bad day, rather than everything you have to do. This can prevent depression. Of course there are obligations, but remove everything from the to-do list that is not a necessity and take care of yourself. Since applying this, I'm back in good energy faster and I can pick up where I left off and get things done.
PTSD and it's health effects
Understandably, hair loss and illness impact your mind and creates stress. After my GBP surgery, certain physical symptoms resurfaced due to traumas that I had not fully processed. Mainly because of sexual abuse by my step-grandfather when I was 3 and abuse later in life. For this I have done EMDR therapy and I receive support from my life coach Madelon. I've turned victimhood into strength and now work as an expert in trauma, helping people with a similar past heal.
Trauma resonates in your body
Trauma is stored in your body cells and it's not just a mental problem. The nerve system becomes overloaded and cannot handle the blow. People stumble over the word "trauma." It is an illusion that trauma only contains violent events. That's why I prefer to describe it as 'barrier or block' because the experiences can block you in everyday life. It can already occur with something like bullying in kindergarten or it can be inherited in cells from previous generations.
Traumatic events lead to physical issues. Logical, if you don't rest or sleep well, you don't process food properly. Because your body holds on to the bad experience, negative beliefs arise, such as: 'I'm stupid, I can't protect myself, I'm not good enough, I'm in danger...' etc. This is an automatic reaction. You're not always aware of it. These beliefs can suddenly resurface if a similar experience occurs. I have learned, after years of therapy and training, that cognitive behavioural therapy is not enough to get trauma out of your body and process it fully. More about trauma can be found in this video: Trauma and the Nervous System: A Polyvagal Perspective.
Awareness
Surgeries can be traumatic for your body. Enzymes in the liver are responsible for processing medication, among other things. Since childhood I've had multiple experiences where I woke up during surgery and pain relief didn't work because of my CYP450 liver disease. I had an awareness during the bone tumor surgery on my skull in 2020 and was able to tell the surgeon in detail what happened during surgery. Thanks to my EMDR sessions and powerful mindset, I remained calm, where previously I would've become angry, sad or anxious.
EMDR Therapy
EMDR is a scientifically proven effective form of therapy to process trauma. During and after the treatments I got clear insights. I learned to understand my body and negative beliefs. My body reacts more calmly, I have control over my emotions and I am better able to set boundaries. When we think badly of ourselves, there will be more stress and you'll end up in a negative spiral. Through Esther Hicks's book "Ask and it is given" I learned a lot about the law of attraction and how to let the power of your mind work for you. And in my opinion: Humor is the best medicine!
“Everyone is terminal and no one has tomorrow guaranteed.
I choose happiness and no tumor can change that.”
- Me :) -
In conclusion
Because of the knowledge I have gained in my process, I can state with certainty that there is always an underlying cause of a weight problem. The main causes of weight problems are stress, anxiety, depression, sleep deprivation or trauma. I have learned that a bad event often initiated the weight gain. Bullying at school, heartache, the loss of a loved one, a bad sexual experience, moving house, being fired from work and so on. I want to break the stigma 'Every pound comes through the mouth' (Dutch saying). The body stores food as reserves for bad times instead of processing it normally. I hope that people gain insights into possible causes and let go of the blame that it's their own fault. You can take responsibility to find out the cause. EMDR therapy and training in personal development can certainly help. The books or the Youtube channel of Esther Hicks too. Humans are special creatures with the ability to create our own happiness. Everything starts with consciousness. There is always a path to healing, health and a happier existence. You don't have to do it alone.
Often I get asked whether I regret the path I have chosen. With all the complications, tumors and setbacks, the answer remains: "No, I don't regret it." I enjoy exercise, food and everything in general so much more. I no longer have sore knees or feet. I love fashion and fit in all the shoes and clothes I want to wear. Eating is a nicer experience, despite minor pitfalls. I am treated much nicer now than when I was fat. I experience more self love and after the skin surgeries I can finally close this chapter.
I got a lot of support from the superheroes around me; Opa Voogel, my parents, Madelon, Meilink, Karin, Alec, Magda, Adrien, Sanne, Manninne, Dorian, Juhwen, Martin & Noora, Thea, Tjeu, Ruby & Gijs, the doctors and more friends and family.
“Words are our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury,
and remedying it.”
- Albus Dumbledore - J. K. Rowling -
IS THIS BODY
REALLY MINE?
Nice dresses, high heels
Little makeup on those bags
I am materialistic
But not your matter
It feels like someone else's
When they judge it
It will constantly change
The mind keeps playing
My body, my business
It embraces, it carries me
Not to entertain you
Mean words, they hurt me
Judging seems human
But it's an old creation
Choose your words consciously
No online bully domination
Beauty goes beyond the eye
An ugly interior is not to be missed
The prices are really too high
To get every imperfection dissed
If someone disapproves of you
Then that is not the end
But if you disapprove of you
Fade away, you can't pretend
The most precious opinion is your own
Don't let yourself pay those prices
Authentic beauty comes naturally
It exists in all body sizes
Side note: This poem sucks in a different language